Pastor was talking about how men are not involved in church, and that there are reasons. While I agree, I started to wonder why and I think that the problem is systemic and much deeper than just church and what is provided.
Men are not only not interested in church, they are in general bored, lonely, fatigued, complacent, and sedantary. Again this begs the biggest question, why? It comes down to motivation. Why do men do anything? Usually, we do what we have to because we are afraid of the consequences. This is why we work, why we do what we do. This is also why corporate America tries to control men by using fear tactics. I, as a man, allow someone else to have authority over me because I have to, in this way I fulfill the divine directive to provide for my family. Is fear, intimidation, and threats a good motivation? When that’s all there is, sure it works for a while, but there is a much better one that is all but lost on today’s society.
It has many names, but the basic idea is that of conquest, adventure, thrill, risk, a challenge. This is why so many men will call in sick to go hunting, fishing, mountain biking, skiing, scuba diving, etc. Men NEEEEEED a calling out from the pack, to go above and beyond, and the cause MUST be something worth dying for. A company’s bottom line isn’t worth it. Especially one who doesn’t care one lick about the people working for it.
This leads to the crux, the end of tolerance after a while. Men cannot put up with mediocrity — if they are are being truly honest to themselves in the deepest sense — and cannot stand to be associated with a watered-down cause. Granted, in today’s culture, men put up with more and more of this, BECAUSE WE HAVE TO. Given the choice and drop-kicked out of the plane, men will turn this world shades of glory never seen before. Most of us live as though we are secret agents, who we are and what we do has nothing to do with who we are and what we do. We assume another life to “make it” and keep things running okay.
We don’t have a sense of place, we don’t belong anywhere, and we don’t consider ourselves respected, feared even, and don’t have a hope of ever reaching that status. We put up with life and die just as peacefully as we walk through the earth. Silent, motionless, sleepily yawning our way through life.
As men, we are desperately screaming inside our own heads, we want to be given a sword, a battlefield, and a maiden. We want there to be a behemoth dragon that is staring down our families, our people, and have to take it on, alone. There are dragons, but slaying them is a lost art. No one cares anymore. We have an artifical answer to every problem, and an antidote to the adventure-seeking part of us that requires little to no commitment and courage. Alcohol, drugs, TV, sports, women, cars, etc. hold our attention because they contain an element of what we want out of life.
Rage. Violence. Passion. Focus. Vision. Battle. Fear. Victory. Anger. All these can be frightening to a woman, but all are bound up in the hearts of men, all are essential, and all are good if wielded in the right way. If you ever watch any “guy” movies, you’ll see that these elements are present. The problem is that we are not IN the movies, we sit and watch.
This is why men look at porn, or have affairs. Adventure. The danger of secrets and the intrigue of the forbidden act is why.
So, the answer to the question of how men fit into church is bound up in that intrigue, that feeling of a thrill ride. Men don’t fit in church, because church isn’t adventurous, it is boring and not worth the time. There is nothing big enough, hard enough, or sinister enough going on in church that requires a man’s unique passion, talents, and skills. We only step up when we are really truly needed, when the situation is dire and a hero is absolutely required. Otherwise “why bother” is the answer. Challenge us someone, and we’ll step up to the challenge. This is why a man will quit his job, sell everything and move to another country to save lives. Because it is who he is, and hits the core of what a man is.
This thought reminds me of the song by Geoff Moore and the Distance: Only a Fool.
Charlie was a fool
Did you hear what he went and did
He quit his job, Threw it away
Gave his life to a bunch of kids
He said he was in love with Jesus
His friends didn’t understand
He could’ve had it all
He just smiled and said that he already did
He Saw The Big In The Small
He Saw The Beauty In The Call
Even When No One Else Approved
He Took The Job Only A Fool Would Do
That is the essence of what it looks like when a man finds his God-given discontent. When something stirs so deep that it disturbs the core of a man, and he can’t stand it any longer, that is when the earth shakes and world changes.
Church, work, school, wives, and friends of men, I challenge you today, challenge us. If you don’t want spectators in your pews, give us a life or death fight, engage the very center of our being in a cause that is worth the pain, blood, sweat and tears. Give us a dragon to slay. I dare you.
